Dear Taco Bell,

Today's cereal: Honey Nut Cheerios
Current Mood: Waning

Yes, we've had some good times... but I think it's time we started seeing other people. We've been going out so long that I didn't realize it was no longer about the love... lately it's only been about the cheapness. Your bean burritos have too many re-hydrated onions and there is no flavor to speak of. And I can't tell you how many times I've found creepy veins and things in your taco meat. I've overlooked these little indiscretions of yours because I've been committed to making our relationship work-- but honestly, I just can't do it anymore. You've been sacrificing ameri-mexican goodness for stupid ideas that only last a little while. Why not focus on the old standbys and make them better? You've let yourself go. And frankly, I'm disappointed in you. Sometimes I'm embarrassed to be seen with you.

No, Taco Bell, it's just not going to work out anymore. I've met someone new, who does things for me like you never did. Del Taco and I are very happy together. He makes me feel special. He never grosses me out, and he doesn't make me ill within 2 hours of gettin' it on like you did. And that glorious green sauce!

I hope you will find someone new, too-- someone that makes you feel as happy as Del Taco makes me feel. You're a good guy, but I need someone who takes care of me. Don't worry, we can still be friends.

Sorry, Scott

Today's Cereal: Frosted Rice Krispies & Honey Nut Cheerios
Current Mood: Indifferent

Sorry Scott, it's now 9:42 a.m. on 6/29. No Peanut M&M's for you.

News, you suck.

So, here's a direct quote from my midwife today: "It could be any day, it could be in two weeks."

So there you go. I was really hoping that she would say, "Oh my, you are having the baby right now! Hurry and drive across the street to the hospital and I will meet you there!" I seriously even brought my hospital bag in the car, just in case. Guess I'm an idiot.


I also have something to say to our local news stations: The NBA draft is NOT, I repeat NOT "BREAKING NEWS!!!!!". Breaking news is the president dying, or a tornado hitting downtown Salt Lake City, or something BIG like that. Do NOT interrupt The Simpsons with your lame-ass basketball so-called Breaking News.

Frikkin' HUGE

Today's Cereal: Frosted Rice Krispies (seriously, you gotta try these!)
Current Mood: Amused

You all laugh when I say how big I am. I know it. Well here's proof for you:


Gettin' bigger by the SECOND


Need to see it again?


Tummy close-up

I have an appointment with my midwife this afternoon. We'll see what she says about how close I am now. The full moon is tonight... could that be what I need to get this labor started?

I wouldn't mind it happening this afternoon. And let's be honest-- it's because I have make-up on today. How girly am I, that I won't leave the house without make-up on, even to FREAKIN' HAVE A BABY!? The way I look at it, Pictures WILL be taken. I must look as hot as possible at all times. Can you just see it? Me, making a "pushing with all my might" face (imagine your worst "poo-ing face", and times it by 10) but beautifully made up? It'll be great.

Just Waiting

Today's Cereal: Frosted Rice Krispies & Corn Pops
Current Mood: Bored

No baby yet.

I'm starting to feel like I'm letting people down because everyone is expecting her to come, like, YESTERDAY. Last night I was trying to go into labor through the sheer force of my willpower; but I will freely admit that it was because Kitt had to speak in church today, and I had to teach a Sunday School lesson, and neither of us wanted to prepare for it. I guess that's allright. Tomorrow will mark 37 weeks, which is officially full-term. I guess I'm glad that she made it this far so she can be big and healthy. But I'm admittedly tired of this huge belly in the way of EVERYTHING.

Still working on the pink room. If we could just stop running out of tape, we could probably get it done! I will post a picture when it is all finished, so everyone can ooh and ahh.

Muh?

So, I don't get many people coming to my blog from search engines. But today I got one coming from Yahoo. What did they search for to get here?

Becky's butt.

I hope they found what they were looking for. I guess I should have posted that picture of me on "Half-Nekkid Thursday".

Livin' in a Hell Hole!

Today's Cereal: Honey Nut Cheerios
Current Mood: Irritated, annoyed, aggravated, bothered, frustrated-- pick one!

I suppose this is what they call "Nesting". Apparently one of the signs of impending labor is a mad urge to clean everything and make sure everything is pretty and ready for a new baby. I'm SO feeling this today. I would like to clean the whole house, BUTT, I have a small Boy following behind me making messes faster than I can clean them up. And I'm just exhausted. It ain't easy walking around with a bowling ball in my crotch, let alone trying to clean and do laundry and paint a bedroom and pack a bag. I just want someone to take the Boy away for about 24 hours so I can get everything done that I need to. Is that too much to ask?

Just an update

Today's Cereal: Cocoa Puffs
Current Mood: Achey all over (that's not really a mood though, is it?)

So I went to my midwife today. I am dialated to a 4 now. Sorry Shawna, I doubt I'll make it to July 3rd. It's looking like Scott's is going to be the closest guess on when the baby will come. Maybe I will send him some Peanut M&M's as a prize. Though why he'd want to poison his body with those is beyond me. Give me Skittles any day.

That reminds me... when I was in the office yesterday I noticed that the vending machine had been refilled. Hooray! And holy crap, the guy had put some Good N' Plenty in there. I LOVE those! Black licorice is SO yummy. But have you ever noticed how it turns your poo an unnatural shade of blueish-green? The only bad thing is that he is still putting in lots of trail-mix type stuff. Look dude, no one wants your health food. Put more of those ginormous pink-frosted sugar cookies in there. You know, the ones that have, like, 36 grams of fat per cookie? Yeah, those'd be HOT.

Oh yeah, he's also upped the price on the Hostess stuff from 80 cents to a dollar. Bastard.


On another note, I have two words for anyone with infants or toddlers. Baby Einstein. Man, our kid will sit and watch those for HOURS if I let him. It's a good way to get a half hour to cook dinner or something. One Saturday morning we put Aiden in front of a Baby Einstein DVD and ran into the other room for a quickie. AWESOME. Right now he's watching Baby Neptune. Sure I might be a bad mother for letting my kid watch TV, but you try being 9 months pregnant and running after a toddler all day. I bet you will swallow your criticism in a SECOND. Hypocrite.

Why does #@$^ like this only happen to ME?

Today's cereal: Frosted Rice Krispies & Fruity Pebbles
Current Mood: Freaked out

So I was just trying to put on my shoe, and a big ugly spider crawled out of my shoe and almost ate me. Seriously.

Why does this only happen to me?

It seems like people who AREN'T afraid of spiders never see the little bastards; but I, I who am deathly afraid of them, am always having face-offs. Watch your back you 8-legged freaks...

Same goes for meat. People who aren't squeamish about meat never have problems. But whenever I get brave enough (or hungry enough) to eat flesh, I find a big ol' ugly vein sticking out of my next bite. Or I find a piece of cartiledge the size of a small truck in my hamburger. Crap like that.

Stupid spider. Now I'm a-scared to put on my other shoe.

Birthday?

Today's Cereal: Cocoa Puffs and Frosted (?!) Rice Krispies (Surprisingly good! A new fav, I think)
Current Mood: Sleepy and anxious

So I was totally having contractions this morning. I even made Kitt wait a little while before leaving for work so we could decide whether this was the Big Day or not. The contractions stopped after breakfast, so Kitt left. I went to the store, though, and picked up several things that I need for the stay in the hospital. I've had a few contractions on and off, but it looks like Robin will wait a little longer.

Today's episode made me realize how woefully unprepared I am. Mentally I'm prepared, but physically... Among many other things, we still need to finish painting the Baby's room. We chose to paint stripes on the lower half of the wall. Aren't we ambitious? But that's Kitt and I to a "T". If we're going to do something creative, we're going to go All Out. We're having the family over to our house tonight for dinner instead of the weekly night at my mom's, so hopefully the Fam can either help us paint, or at least keep the Boy occupied while we finish.

I liked Scott's post today. I can SO relate.

Baby Stuff

Today's Cereal: the very last little bits of Cheerios, and the very last little bit of Apple Jacks. Then I dumped the Apple Jacks crumbs into my milk because it made it all sweet and apple-y.
Current Mood: Relaxed

So I am in the office today, but not to work. And I am sans Boy, hence the relaxed mood. Crazy how that is. I am here for a baby shower (Yippee! Presents!) that the gals at the office are throwing for me. As much as I complain about how weird it can be working in an office of ALL WOMEN (stinky bathrooms, hormone-induced catfights, lots of crying), there are also perks. Like baby showers and the occasional potluck lunch. If my boss were a man, you can bet your ass he wouldn't approve holding a baby shower in the conference room on company time.

In other news, I went to an appointment with my midwife on Monday. She checked me, and I am already dialated to almost a 3! This is good and bad... good, because I am already doing half the work of labor and I don't even know it. I won't have to go from 0 to 10 in the hospital; just 3 or 4 to 10. The bad news is, this baby will probably be coming a lot sooner than expected. I say probably because it's very possible that I could walk around dialated to a 3 for several weeks; however, the way I am feeling and the way the baby is positioned and is moving, all signs point to sooner than later. This is bad because #1, she's not done cooking yet. I still have 5 weeks until my due date, and she won't be considered full-term for another 2 weeks. And #2, because my bestest friend is coming in from Georgia to pamper my pregnant ass, but she won't be here until the 3rd of July (See you soon, Sweet Shawna!)

So I am now taking everyone's bets on what day you think Little Robin will be born. I'll send you something cool if you get it right on.

One more thing... I noticed yesterday when I was working in the office that the vending machine guy has put those disgusting red Zingers in our machine. You know, the ones that are all coconut-y? Seriously, who eats those? And wouldn't you know that he put the Hostess Cupcakes right behind them! This guy needs to be shot. And by the way, vending machine guy, stop putting crackers and nuts in the machine. More Skittles! How about some Starbursts? And would it kill you to come and fill it more often? By the end of the month all that is left is SweetTarts, Tootsie Rolls, and nuts. No one is taking that bait.

To my Sweetheart

Today's Cereal: Raisin Nut Bran and Apple Jacks
Current Mood: Nesting

It occurred to me, looking back over my blog, that my last several entries are very negative. I realize that blogs are often places to rant-- especially when you are like me and don't ever complain to anyone to their face, and you need a place to let off steam. But I don't want to come off looking like a whiner and complainer. Let's blame it on the hormones, shall we?

So I thought I would leave a positive post here for once.

I want to tell the world how wonderful my husband is. He does so much for me that I will never be able to repay him! Here are 25 wonderful things about my Hubby:
1) He is my best friend.
2) We are soul mates! We are so often the same person that we rarely fight.
3) We can usually read each other's minds.
4) He takes care of The Boy when I am too tired, even when he is also tired from working all day.
5) And then on top of that he will cook dinner (he is an awesome cook)!
6) He is a good father.
7) He is kind to everyone, and I admire him so much for that.
8) He is patient with me,
9) and patient with almost everyone else.
10) Everyone who knows him thinks that he is a pretty decent guy.
11) He is creative
12) and smart,
13) a little arrogant,
14) and funny.
15) He has a wonderful sense of humor.
16) He likes my cats;
17) and on top of that, he is kind to ALL animals. (So few men are; it was one of the things that I fell in love with him over.)
18) He is a good tipper,
19) He has an adorable smile,
20) and occasionally I am the one to make him laugh- genuinely laugh. I love when I can do that.
21) He humors my weird ideas
22) and he has just as many hobbies as I do.
23) He believes in me,
24) he brings me donuts and shakes,
25) and when I can't sleep, all it takes is for him to touch me and I feel secure enough to fall asleep.


The Hubby and The Boy

I love you Kitty!

Update

Today's Cereal: Wheat Chex, Cheerios, and Apple Jacks (I was hungry, okay? Shut up!)
Current Mood: a little nervous

The Pink Room is halfway done!

Duh, I'm a big fat idiot! Uh-hyuck!

Today's Cereal: None! We are out of milk! So I had a Wal-Mart donut instead. I am not satisfied.
Current Mood: Annoyed.

My supervisor is a bona fide idiot.

I am in the office ONE DAY A WEEK-- Wednesdays. She has been fully aware of this since I started this schedule a year ago. Yesterday she catches me in the hall and says that she needs a whole bunch of games made up to take with her to a conference she is going to this weekend. Oh, and she's leaving tonight.

The games she is talking about are these cheesy, feel-good social worker-type games where everyone is supposed to share their feelings and be lovey and sweet (and it's all a bunch of sh*t!). She came up with the idea a couple of years ago, and me-- being a whiz at Microsoft Publisher-- made them up for her. Since then, it's been my job to put these games together. We usually give them out to members of our support groups, so I make up about a dozen of them every few months. Let me tell you, it is a pain in the butt to put these together. I have to collate 60 cards for each game, print out labels for the inside and outside of each box, trim the labels, attach them, print out and cut out an instruction card for each game, buy dice, and assemble it all. Putting together a dozen usually takes me 2 or 3 hours.

She wanted 30 to take with her. AND SHE'S LEAVING TONIGHT, she says.

Oh sure, I can do that--no problem. Here, let me just pull down my pants and PULL THEM OUT OF MY BUTT FOR YOU!!!

What an idiot. Could she not have called me about it a week ago? Even Tuesday night would have been fine. I could have had them all done and brought them to work with me yesterday, and there would be no crisis to deal with. Instead she waits until the LAST FREAKIN' MINUTE, like an idiot. So now the Big Boss, who is also going to the conference but not leaving until tomorrow, has to make a special trip into the office to pick them up, and I had to bust my butt trying to get them there in time for her this morning. AND I had to bring The Boy into the office with me, which is always an adventure. And I don't mean the type of adventure where you stumble onto treasure while making a sandcastle on your Carribean vacation. I mean the type of adventure with spiders and poison darts coming at you, and you lose 3 of your men, and you come out missing an eye or something.

So I spent last night putting these damn games together when I should have been playing Galactic Battlegrounds with the hubby. Or painting the pink room. Or something else. ANYTHING else. The plus side is that I get paid for the time it takes me to put them together. And I was NOT shy about double-billing the time that my husband spent helping me so I could get to bed before midnight, I tell you what.

*grumble, grumble*. Idiot.

More Bitching

Today's Cereal: Cheerios and Crunch Berries
Current Mood: Better that Sunday, but not much.

Didn't sleep again last night. The Boy woke up practically every hour, and screamed to be comforted. He's almost 18 months old for hell's sake! When does this end? There better be something seriously wrong with him, or I will sell him to the gypsies for being defective about sleeping.

I tried to take a nap just now while The Boy was napping, but the white trash kids who live behind us were outside playing. From what I could tell, they were playing a game that consisted of loud, LOUD girly shrieking every 4 seconds. Or maybe they were just pushing the littlest sister too high in the swing or something. At any rate, they suck and I wish they'd move to Alaska. Or maybe Canada.

Still haven't started painting the pink room. Totally lack the energy, let alone the free time where The Boy isn't pulling on my leg to take him for a 12-mile walk around the neighborhood. One good thing is that it has been rainy the last two days, so I couldn't do the walk-thing. The downside is the whining that has resulted from that. I HATE the sound of his whine. Why can't he laugh more? That's a really cute sound.

I want to talk to you all about Dr. Suess, but I need a scanner first to illustrate my point. Look for that post soon.

Humph.

Today's Cereal: Wheat Chex and Crunch Berries
Current Mood: Shut up. Stop asking me.

If I could get more than 4 hours of sleep a night, I would probably feel more like blogging. As it is, all I feel like doing is punching stuff.

It doesn't help that my in-laws spent the weekend over at my house moving furniture around so we can make a room for the baby. It was very, very nice of them; and not that I don't appreciate it (because I am too damn big and tired to do it myself), but my mother-in-law is rather agressive about cleaning and throwing things away. So everything is moved, and I can't find a damn thing and it is making me more irate. If that is possible.

In other news, we bought pink paint. Never thought I'd have a pink room. Hope it doesn't look like the Easter Bunny barfed all over the walls when we are done.

As of tomorrow I will be 34 weeks pregnant. Here is what "The Internet" says about my pregnancy this week:
Fetal Development:
The baby responds as a newborn with its eyes open while awake and closed while sleeping. S/he is developing immunities to fight mild infection. Those sharp little fingernails are at the ends of the fingertips already, and you might need to clip them during the first few days after birth.

Maternal Changes:
You've probably felt some Braxton Hicks contractions for the past several weeks but they may intensify now. They are usually painless and non-rhythmical. These are preparing your body for the real thing.

Ideas for Dad:
Mom is feeling huge and clumsy now. She may be weepy and vulnerable or extremely moody. Tell her how beautiful she is and what a wonderful mom she'll be. Serve her breakfast in bed and help her feel like the special woman she is.

I like the dad idea. I am not only feeling huge, I AM huge. See?

Damn, I'm huge!

And I can't stop crying at stupid, stupid things. My husband does so many nice things for me when I ask him to, but sometimes I wish he'd surprise me one day with something that will make me feel special. Food is good. It's been like 8 years since I got flowers. A day at the library would kick ass. I guess I never do anything for him, though, so why should he have to for me? Just because I cry doesn't mean I should get presents. (The Boy would beg to differ, I'm sure.)

Here, one more picture for you:

Me and The Boy

I'm CAMPING, people! I don't have any makeup on, and my face is getting fat. Deal with it, and tell me I'm pretty.

Baseball

Today's Cereal: Wheat Chex and Cocoa Puffs
Current Mood: Terrified beyond belief

I got an e-mail yesterday from my boss. She had received a letter of complaint from an adoptive father who was angry because his daughter had requested help from us in reuniting with her birthmother back in February, but nothing had been done about it and they hadn’t heard from us.

I was never good at baseball. I couldn’t catch the ball, and if I did, I always dropped it. It appeared as though life had hit a pop fly in my direction, and what did I do? I dropped the ball.

It was totally my fault. I had put the daughter’s request aside because I needed to clarify something about it, and I just plain forgot about it. I had to get up in the night to pee at least 4 times, and The Boy woke us up 4 additional times (he’s cutting a molar, poor kid—though I don’t feel so sympathetic at 2 in the morning...), and after that any sleep I might have gotten was chased away by this huge mistake I made.

I worried all night. And all morning as I got ready for work, I had visions of being fired. I rehearsed what I would say. I felt angry. I felt scared. I felt sad. I felt sick with worry.

I ran into my boss’s office first thing upon arriving at the office. She held up the letter she got, and before she could say anything I launched into an apology so big I could barely breathe by the time I reached the end of it. I took full responsibility. I had just forgotten about the case. It was unprofessional of me, it was careless of me, and I was willing to do nearly anything to make up for it.

My boss can be a rather harsh woman. Most people in the office are scared to go to her with their problems because she seems to have so little empathy. She’s not afraid to give you what-for, and she does it on a regular basis. And she has this way of looking at you over her glasses... I make fun of that look, but admittedly it scares to poo out of me.

So what did this harsh and intimidating woman say when I was done with my groveling?

“Becky, you have just raised a level or two in my esteem for having the courage to admit to your mistake. My gosh, most people would try to talk their way out of it or find a way to blame it on someone else! That was very good of you. Welcome to human-kind.”

Home run! And the crowd goes wild!

Of course, as part of my penitence I volunteered to call the irate father rather than make the Boss come up with an apology letter. More than just about anything else besides spiders and earwigs, I am afraid of confrontation. I am an honest-to-goodness wuss, even though I try to be tough by doing things like going through natural childbirth. What if he yells at me? What if he threatens to discredit me or the agency? What if he wants me to bow to demands I can’t possibly meet? I’m so scared!

I am up to bat, and all I have is a wiffle bat and no helmet. Holy crap am I scared.