Dear Taco Bell,

Today's cereal: Honey Nut Cheerios
Current Mood: Waning

Yes, we've had some good times... but I think it's time we started seeing other people. We've been going out so long that I didn't realize it was no longer about the love... lately it's only been about the cheapness. Your bean burritos have too many re-hydrated onions and there is no flavor to speak of. And I can't tell you how many times I've found creepy veins and things in your taco meat. I've overlooked these little indiscretions of yours because I've been committed to making our relationship work-- but honestly, I just can't do it anymore. You've been sacrificing ameri-mexican goodness for stupid ideas that only last a little while. Why not focus on the old standbys and make them better? You've let yourself go. And frankly, I'm disappointed in you. Sometimes I'm embarrassed to be seen with you.

No, Taco Bell, it's just not going to work out anymore. I've met someone new, who does things for me like you never did. Del Taco and I are very happy together. He makes me feel special. He never grosses me out, and he doesn't make me ill within 2 hours of gettin' it on like you did. And that glorious green sauce!

I hope you will find someone new, too-- someone that makes you feel as happy as Del Taco makes me feel. You're a good guy, but I need someone who takes care of me. Don't worry, we can still be friends.