Everyone is an idiot. Don't talk to me.

Today's cereal: Rice Chex and Multi-Grain Cheerios
Current mood: Don't touch me. Don't even look at me.

I have been a bit lazy with my blog of late, and I apologize. Really, nothing has happened that I have considered blog-worthy. So today I will just bitch and moan.

I am officially 32 weeks along now. That means that I only have 8 more weeks to go! (although in reality I really only have 6 or 7 weeks to go...) Time has really, REALLY flown by, and I am feeling overwhelmed at all the crap I have to do before the baby comes. However, when you live with a 1-year-old, either nothing gets done, or everything you do gets UNdone. My boy is a cutie-poo, but I am getting tired of him. I think I need a cryogenic baby freezer. Then I can pull him out and unthaw him when I am less tired, grumpy, fat, and tired. Does it make me a bad mother for wanting that?

Why do designers of maternity clothes insist on making things with horizontal stripes? Please, I'm already the size of a small dump truck. Can't you do someting to HIDE that, rather than emphasize it? And stop making so much pink. Nobody likes it.

Things NOT to say to a pregnant woman (Things I would like to say in return are in italics):
1) Damn! You're HUGE! (Thank you, Rico Suave. You have won my heart. Let's make out. Retard!)
2) You look beat. (So what you're really saying is, I look like shit?)
3) You look ready to pop! (Actually, dumb-ass, I still have 8 weeks to go. What insensitve thing are you going to say to me in 7 weeks when I'm still around?)
4) Wow, you are carrying that baby really low! (Yes. Yes I am. Now stop looking at my crotch.)
5) Oh, are you having a baby? (Oh, have you had a lobotomy? Don't be an idiot.)
6) Are you STILL here? (No, I'm just a hologram of the real me, who is home nursing my new baby. Can't you see the big H on my forehead?)
7) Geez, you are really getting big... (you too, fatty. Makes you feel good, doesn't it?)

I could go on and on with these. I think I'll start actually writing down the things people say to me. That will be fun.

My last gripe is that I can't sleep because I either have to pee, my back hurts, I'm getting kicked in the hip bone, or it's too damn hot and for some unexplainable reason the husband has turned the fan off. Or my legs are wigging out. This last one is a reecent development, and I don't like it ONE BIT. I will just be drifting off, and then my feet and legs suddenly NEED to move. They ITCH to move. It is SO DAMN ANNOYING!! I was practicing one of my childbirth hypnosis cd's last night and my legs kept doing that. Made it REALLY hard to relax.

The Boy just discovered that he has a belly button. It was the cutest damn thing I have ever seen. So I will retract my wish for a cryogenic baby freezer. For now.