EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!!!!!

Today's Cereal: Special K
Current Mood: Jumpy and nervous

I went to battle this morning. Nearly got myself killed. Wish my Xena-style leather armor* still fit me, 'cause I would have put it on. I might have at least felt braver then.

I had to face the biggest damn jumping spider I have ever seen inside a house.

And then I had to get CLOSE to it, close enough to poke it with a stick and make it move out from behind the kitchen sink so I could go in for the attack. I was shaking like chiuahua... I mean, it might have grabbed the stick I was poking it with and swung me around the room, cartoon-style. It might have jumped on me! (Jumping spiders can jump up to 20 feet, you know. I read it on the internet, so it must be true.) It certainly wanted to do something bad to me. I could tell by the look in it's eye. Eyes, I mean. All 30 of them, which I could see as plain as day BECAUSE THIS SPIDER WAS FRIKKIN' HUGE!!!

My attack mostly consisted of me screaming or yipping each time it moved, and then putting an empty Miricle Whip jar over it so's the husband can take care of it when he gets home. (He knows some people. Italians. He's gonna need their help.) And then I had a small panic attack when it was all over.

My skin has been crawling ever since. I seriously have to keep checking to see if there are spiders on me, or in my food, or in my hair, or on my chair everytime I sit down. And every black spot I see I scream at, until I can ascertain that it is just a pen lid or a nail sticking out of the wall. (People are starting to get nervous around me for this reason. Don't know why.)

It's a good thing I am in the office today and I left The Beast at home, a POW in a jar. Because if I were home I'd have to go check on it a zillion times to make sure that it hasn't blasted it's way out of the jar with the laser eye-beams that I'm sure it has and looked capable of using. And each time I have to look at it means one night of nightmares that my husband will have to suffer through with me (because I talk in my sleep).

I hate spiders. No, you don't understand-- I HATE spiders.

I feel proud of myself for being brave enough to face it like I did. And it's a good thing I did, too; because if I had just walked away from it, I would know that it was still in my house somewhere, but I wouldn't know where. It could end up in my bed one night. It could fall into something I'm eating (another huge phobia for me--and probably the root of why I have a hard time eating ground meat-- you just don't know what's been ground into it.) But I faced it, and now I have a war story that I can share.

*I don't really have Xena armor. But wouldn't it be cool if I did? I'd be the hottest mom on the block.