As Britney says, "Oops I did it again!"

Today's cereal: Corn Chex
Current Mood: bored

Some of you might wonder about the title of my blog, "Accidentally insulting the world, one person at a time". You might be thinking, "What could this sweet little Mormon girl possibly do to insult anyone? She can barely even swear right."

It's time to tell you a few stories.

I have this really annoying habit of saying stuff without really thinking about what I'm saying. Generally, I end up offending someone. Take for instance my friend Sean. One day he was whining about how fat he was, how he's a tub of lard and is going to look like his dad one day. I, thinking I was doing him a favor by making him see how wrong he was, said "Oh Sean, you're not fat until you wear a 38-inch waist!" He visibly deflated. His shoulders hunched over, his head hung down, and he let out a noise somewhere between a whine and a moan. And he said, "Oh. I wear a 40..."

Then there was the time where Rob Whitworth-- a real self-righteous bastard, but I digress-- was complaining after he got his ACT scores back. He kept saying how stupid he was, and I was getting annoyed because I was sure he was just doing it for attention; and that his score was actually above-average and he was just saying he was stupid because he wanted people to know what his score was and that truthfully it was really high. (Did that make sense? Sorry for the run-on.) So I says to him, says I, "Rob, you're only stupid if you got less than a 20." I think you can see where this is going--I gotta stop saying stuff like this... Naturally his score was an 18. He looked pretty pissed, and I think he said something sarcastic in return. Needless to say, he wasn't as chummy with me after that. (But I can't feel too bad about that, because he was a tool. Still is, from what I understand.)

And then there was the time at a family party when I found out my cousin had named her [illegitimate] child 'Roy'. My response: "Roy!? What a stupid name! Why doesn't she just pin a 'kick me' sign to his onsie? What kind of a name is ROY?!?" This I said very loudly, just as his father, Roy Sr. walked in. Might I add that Roy Sr. was a scary looking gangsta-dude with a known criminal background? One day I will find "Roy was here" spelled out in bullet holes in the side of my house...

I have lots more stories like these. Some are more embarassing than others; some are more minor infractions-- but it seems to be my calling card nonetheless. If you are going to know me for an extended period of time, I am eventually going to insult you. Money-back guarantee.

I apologize in advance...