Random things I won't eat

Before I start, here's a shout-out to Scott who says I'm a hottie now. I'm telling my husband that if he doesn't start introducing me as "My hottie wife, Beck", I'm leaving him for Scott who at least seems to appreciate me. (Sorry, Scott's wife.)

My kid used to eat anything you'd put next to his mouth. It was kind of funny, really, trying to see what kinds of things we could get him to taste. Maybe we F'ed him up doing that, because now he won't eat anything. I'm not sure why he's still growing. Maybe he's part plant, and is using photosynthesis? He sure fertilizes himself enough! The one thing he WILL eat is cereal. Cheerios, Life, Cookie Crisp, you name it. He even eats the nasty King Vitaman that WIC gives us for free (no wonder! It tastes like cat barf smells.) I can't think of WHERE he'd get the idea that you can live off of cereal alone. (He didn't SEEM to be watching when I ate 3 bowls of Cheerios this morning....)

It is only karmic justice that I, a picky eater, would be blessed with a kid who's the same. It got me thinking about all the things I won't eat. The list is big. Here's a portion:

1) Banana Anuses. You know, the very last bite of the banana that has the hole from where it attached to the peel? That seriously creeps me out. Won't eat it.
2) Hamburgers. ANY hamburgers. Ground meat in general is icky--you can't KNOW what's in there-- but hamburgers especially. Any time I try to eat one, I get a monster piece of gristle with like 3 veins sticking out of it. *GAG*! I used to eat JUST Fuddruckers hamburgers (God bless their fries!!!), but once I got one with a piece of bone in it the size of a molar, and that was the end. I don't even give hamburgers a chance anymore.
3) Along the meat lines--bacon that ISN'T burnt. If the fat is chewy, you might as well spit on it and then offer me some. It would be about as appetizing to me.
4) Shellfish. I ain't eatin' nothing that low on the food chain. They eat poo for hell's sake!!
5) Any other fish. Why would you want to eat something that smells like that?
6) Little Caesar's pizza. That's nasty, nasty stuff. I don't eat most other pizza, either (hate the tomato sauce), but I WON'T eat Little Caesar's.
7) Dark meat from a chicken or turkey. It's slimy! Don't let it touch me!
8) Most casseroles. Casseroles are the food of the devil. Most of them are made with Cream of Mushroom soup (Who invented that? Does ANYONE eat that as just soup? I think someone came up with the casserole solely to use up all the Cream of Mushroom soup that was stockpiling in the Campbell's warehouse.) Casseroles always look like they have chopped up leeches in them because of the little bits of mushroom from the soup. Remember Tater Tot casserole? The classic example of Casserole Evilness.
9) Nuts. Nevermind that I'm allergic to most of them. Too many good people have been taken down a notch in my Who's Who of Awesomeness Book by ruining perfectly heavenly brownies with nuts. Keep your nuts in their bag, people!
10) Artichokes. It's not that I don't like them, though they do taste weird. It's that they are too much work for the amount of food payoff. (Pomegranates are the same way). You sit around for 2 hours scraping artichoke-hud off the leaves with your teeth, and you walk away ready to shoot your own dinner out of hunger. Nah, give me a quick bowl of cereal anyday. Convenient and satisfying.