Enough with the %#%!@*(!&@*@$ spam!

Today's Cereal: Cheerios for breakfast, Life for lunch
Current Mood: A little lonely


Dear Sauerkraut H. Odom,

It is really kind of you to drop me an e-mail every so often (to see how I am doing, I'm sure). I really appreciate it, even though I think two or three times a day may be overdoing it. You are one awesome dude. I have no doubt that you are great in bed, so really--you can stop telling me. Honest, I KNOW by now. You've told me, what, a million times? Maybe you are just trying to be funny, but that's enough. Really. And while we are on the subject, could you please stop trying to sell me your penis-enhancing products? You're a good friend and all, but I just don't need any Vicagra. Or any Cinalis or Leviptra. Promise. In fact--and I know this might be hard for you to hear-- I don't even have a penis. No, it's true-- I looked.

I hope I'm not breaking your heart by telling you that. Because it seems like-- judging from the amount of e-mail you send me-- that you expect me to single-handedly finance your whole "penis business". I thought it would be better to just be honest with you, and let you know up front rather than lead you on. So maybe you should just stop the e-mails altogether. Oh, sure, I'd welcome the occasional "Hi, how's your kids/health/life" e-mail, but I just can't deal with anymore "business" e-mails. I'm sure you understand. I'm glad we had this little talk.

You rock! Keep up the good work in bed, and good luck finding someone else to hock your wares to.
Your friend forever,

Beck