Wednesday, March 30, 2005

Hey, hey, hey!

Today's cereal: Rice Chex and Froot Loops (one bowl just isn't enough, okay?!)
Current Mood: Sleepy

So, I am going to pose a question that will inevitably offend someone. I haven't talked about it enough, but I have this really terrible habit of insulting people--purely on accident!-- when I voice my opinions too quickly without thinking about who I'm talking to. I have lots of classic stories about doing this, and one day I will share some of the best.

But for now, just keep in mind that no offense is intended if you are on the somewhat portly side. What I want to know is this: How do fat people LIVE? Seriously, they should be considered handicapped. There are so many things they can't do, and I am discovering this. I'm no fatty, but this belly is getting ridiculous (And I've still got 3 months to go!). I can't tie my shoes. I can't put socks on. Seeing me try to put on pantyhose could be a long-running sitcom. It's getting hard to shave my legs. I can't get in and out of the car/bed, I've knocked my kid down several times because I can't freakin' SEE him under this thing. And let's not get started on the difficulties that come with "nookie".

Poor, poor fat people. At least I'm giving birth to my fat soon and it will go away.

Tuesday, March 29, 2005

Today's Cereal: Cheerios and Tiger Power
Current Mood: Despondent

I am sorely overdue for something fun in my life (and of course, it has to be good clean Christian fun-- no animal sacrifices or taping someone's butt...). I haven't been on a vacation for two years. This hurts my heart. We used to go to Disneyland just about every year. I went to the Virgin Islands twice in the last few years. We've been to North Carolina a couple of times. But the last two years has been nothing but saving up money for diapers, and then changing said diapers. And now it's happening all over again.


UPDATED Current Mood: Revolted

So I just got up to check on The Boy--thought he was happily watching Between the Lions while I checked my e-mail and did a quick post-- but instead I find him PLAYING IN THE LITTERBOX, dumping cat shit all over himself, and looking like the happiest boy in the world!! He thought it was funny when I screamed like a banshee upon this discovery. He thought it was funny when I gagged when he dropped his binky in the cat shit, and attempted to stuff it back in his mouth. He thought it was funny when I hosed him down with hot water and anti-bacterial soap! And all the while I am yelling profanities (So much for good, clean, Christian fun!). And what did he do when I set him down again? Headed right back for it. Thankfully that room has a door. Damn cats and their poo. "Animals are crapping in our houses and we're picking it up! That's not America. That's not even Mexcio!"

Okay, so I realize that I am to blame. What kind of idiot leaves their one-year-old unattended for more than 40 seconds? Talk about the worst parent in the world. I might as well get a big cardboard box and leave him to play/be trapped in it all day while I sleep and watch "Stories". And let him grow a mullet. Stupid Beck.

Monday, March 28, 2005

New Links

Introducing my sister-in-law, Jana. She's new to the blogging scene, and new in my links section. Check her out.

And here's Lucius Atherton. Okay, so he's not new in my links, but he's been on a leave of absence while he moved his family to a new state. Don't let the big words and the Russian scare you. His prose is fabulous and funny, and very tongue in cheek.

I've also got Cat of the Day. This should be self-explanatory, but go ahead and check it out if you don't believe me.

So, raise your hand if you have ever had a sinus infection.

This is something I had always heard of, but never having had one, I never thought about it. Now I have a deeper respect and pity for those souls in which this condition is chronic. I also have a new knowledge about the very real existence of Hell on earth.

Seriously, it feels like the right side of my face has been smashed in with a wrench. It hurts around my eye, into my ear, through my teeth, and down my jaw. I can't eat anything harder than soggy Rice Crispies. God save me if I bend over-- the pressure and pain get so intense I nearly pass put. I told Kitt yesterday that I would gladly go through labor again and again if I could get rid of the pain in my face. Labor is NOTHING in comparison. (And keep in mind, I had Aiden without any drugs!) I spent the evening weeping because I was so worn down by the incessant, sharp pain. I hadn't slept all weekend because of it; so finally last night when I was so tired that I was dizzy, I laid down against Kitt and fell asleep. Ah, the relief of unconsciousness.

Kitt has been so sweet. I am usually more of a hands-off person-- don't like people in my personal space unless I know and trust you-- but being close to Kitt has such a calming effect on me. If I can't sleep, I just need him touching me and I will go right out. Worked like a charm last night, despite my agony.

I spent Easter Sunday at the Urgent Care office and later at the Pharmacy. I was not alone in my pain this weekend... Aiden has a double ear infection. So we are both on Antibiotics and allergy drugs. Poor little dude. I've been so short with him since I've been so wrapped up in my own pain. He's probably been feeling pretty bad, too, and didn't need his mommy yelling at him to boot. The worst part about all of this is that Tylenol doesn't work worth #$^* to take care of the pain. And I can't take anything stronger without my baby like, growing a third arm, or something. I have been relying on hypnosis and prayer. They do a good enough job, I guess, but there must be something I need to learn from this experience...

Thursday, March 24, 2005

What could I say that anyone would care to read?

What could I say that anyone would care to read?

Okay, GROSS. Here is my awesome brother's blog. No, HE'S not gross; but the story is. You have to read it.

(That's just like when you say to someone, "Oooh, this tastes disgusting! Here, taste it!")

Wednesday, March 23, 2005

Drive of death

So, the windshield wiper on the passenger side of my crappy Saturn stopped working. This is usually no big deal. But today on the way home it was raining. Still, not a huge deal-- until I hit the freeway, and suddenly it wasn't raining, it was RAINING. Like a bee-yotch. I was freaking out, begging the wiper to work, screaming at it to work, bribing it... and it would make a half-assed attempt at working, but I think it's terminal. Here is what my drive home looked like:


View through my windshield

To make things worse, all the way home I was having contractions (yes I AM just barely 6 months along, thanks for asking!), and that was freaking me out all the more. I was positive I was going to rear-end some idiot who forgot that you don't brake on the Freeway, and cause a huge, massive 80-car pile-up... and then give birth on the side of the road.

I am surprised I did not die. Seriously. Though it would have meant that you all could have sung at my funeral.

Tuesday, March 22, 2005

Setting things straight

Okay, so I obsessed about this ALL NIGHT. And the more I think about it, the more I am SURE that I never kissed Ryan Brown. (For the backstory, see here.)

I have only kissed eight people in my entire life. Eight. Now, that may seem like a lot to some people (like my mother-in-law, who thinks I'm a scarlet woman-- nevermind that another of her daughter-in-laws has a list numbering in the 20's. But she never gets comments from the MIL!). To most of the world, however, eight is a very sweet and innocent number.

I'd like it known that two of those eight kisses were taken from me, not neccessarily given in return. Funny thing that both of those were from my best-friend-at-the-time's love interest... but I was too sweet and spineless in both cases to say, "Hey you, get your damn hands off of [me]". (1000 points to the first person to recognize the movie quote!) On a side note, I certainly hope that my daughter grows up to be very kind-hearted; but at the same time I never want that to interfere with her ability to stand up for herself. How does one instill a wonderful sense of compassion in their child, but a sense of compassion that won't leave them feeling victimized?

At any rate, the point is that eight is not a large number. It would be difficult to forget anyone. I REALLY liked Ryan Brown. I find it hard to believe that as much as I liked him, I would forget about kissing him. The other problem I have is that it supposedly took place in a classroom. Granted, a dark classroom where we were watching a movie, but at 14 I would have been WAY too embarrassed to have kissed someone where so many people could have witnessed it. If I am recalling right, I seem to remember in the fuzzy recesses of my poor memory, that Ryan was making kissing noises at me; but never actually did the deed.

Okay, so I am probably making too big a deal of this; but I would hate Richard to go through life thinking that I was a tramp for kissing his best friend, while he was sitting next to us, knowing full well that he wished it were him. And as Kitt said about it, Ryan Brown was definitely the type of person to go around telling people that something happened just to get high-fives.


On a related note, it seems that girls often have WAY longer lists of people they've kissed than most guys do. Is this just my experience, or does everyone agree? And I'm also curious about everyone else's stats. Leave me a comment and tell me how many people you've kissed.

The truth is told...

Scott's question are answered here. "Smurfing." I'm still chuckling!

Monday, March 21, 2005

Quickie

Just wanted to let you all know, so's you can be extremely jealous, that we were able to get tickets to the U2 concert that's coming in December. That may seem like no big deal, but U2 always sell out in less than an hour here in Salt Lake. (Maybe it's the same everywhere?) I am so excited. Big Hugs to my husband and brother and dear friend Dave who all used their high-speed internet connections to try and get us tickets. The $8 per ticket surcharge for buying them on the internet is totally worth not having to stand in line at 4:00 a.m. just for the CHANCE to get tickets.

Wait for me, Bono! We'll be together soon!

Sunday, March 20, 2005

10 Random thoughts this evening....

1) The amount of goo coming out of my head is frightening and appalling. Where does it come from? Is it my brain melting and leaking out my nose? I certainly feel stupider. I thought it was hay fever, but my hubby and my kid have it now, too.

2) Chocolate chip pumpkin cookies from Harmon's bakery are one of the best things on earth.

3) Despite keeping us up most of the night last night, my kid is damn cute.

Tug of War!

4) My mom's birthday is next week. I don't have a clue about what to get her. Suggestions welcome.

5) My brother appeared to like the TV we gave him. He is a man of few words, so I can't be positive. But you'd have to be in a coma to not appreciate a new TV for your birthday, so I am assuming the best. His wife certainly liked it.

6) I heard an old song on the radio a few weeks ago that is haunting me again. I never thought much of it before, but I realized I liked it after I heard it. Don't know who it is, but it's someting like "Gimmie the beat boys and free my soul, I wanna get lost in your rock and roll and drift away..." It put me in the mood for a road trip. And that, in turn, depresses me. I haven't even been to the movies since Spiderman 2 was out long enough to be at the Dollar Theatre-- A road trip is a thing of the distant, fading past. *sigh*

7) We had chicken for dinner tonight. As a psuedo-vegetarian, I surprised myself by having seconds. My baby must need the protein. It was strangely good to me.

8) Me and The Boy were both too sick to go to church, so we watched "Babe" this morning. At the very end when the farmer says, "That'll do, pig" I burst into tears, and sobbed into my husband's chest for several minutes. That part always makes me cry. What a weenie I am. Haven't seen that movie for a good long time.

9) I am excited about the beads I got at the Gem Faire, though I wish I could have bought A LOT more. I have already made several things with them.

10) Did I mention my nose won't stop running? Remember that green slime you used to get with the Ghostbusters toys? That's all I'm sayin'.

Saturday, March 19, 2005

Saturday fun

Went to the Gem Faire today. I spent a small bundle. Wahoo! I've been looking forward to this since I went last year. One of my many, many hobbies is jewelrymaking; and recently I was hooked up with a guy who is paying me to make it so he can sell it. It's nice to earn the money, but it's even nicer to know I'm good enough at it that people would want to buy things that I make. I like creating.

Friday, March 18, 2005

Happy Birthday, Scott!

Tuesday was my oldest brother's birthday. He seemed to be really down when I talked to him that day. No wonder, either-- he's making less than $10 an hour, supporting a 5-year-old and a mentally ill wife that can't work. He's living in a crappy-ass apartment 50 miles from his nearest family member, he's working as much overtime as he can fit in, and he can't even afford little luxuries like going out to lunch or even a weekend movie.

I tried to get him to tell me what he wanted for his birthday, but he didn't know what to say. He finally admitted that it didn't matter anyway, he doesn't have time to do anything fun with any presents he might get. Then he said that anything he'd want would be too expensive to buy him, like they need a new TV. Theirs is about to go out, and then they will be stuck staring at the wall for fun. He said, "Maybe in a couple of years we can get a new one with our tax returns". A couple of years?! I asked if they weren't getting one this year... he said they were, but that it was already going ot pay past-due bills.

So I convinced my parents and my other brothers to pitch in with me. With our combined efforts, we were able to buy him a new TV for his birthday. It's not huge, but it's a pretty decent 24". We're celebrating his birthday tonight with a family dinner, and we'll give it to him then. He is going to be so shocked! I KNOW he won't expect anything like this. I hope he likes it, and it makes his life a little more worth living; at least for a while.

Happy Birthday, Scott. We've never been the closest of siblings, but I love you still.

Wednesday, March 16, 2005

Stuff

The answers to Sarah's questions are here.

In other news, my daffodils are blooming and my tulips are coming up. It's been so warm outside! I'm lovin' it. (And NOT in a McDonalds sort of way!) The only thing I DON'T like about spring is the seasonal hayfever. Let me tell you, pregnancy and frequent, uncontrollable sneezing DO NOT mix. If you have been there, you know what I'm talking about.

Tuesday, March 15, 2005

Finally! Questions for Sarah

I've known Sarah since we were in elementary school. She was a good friend and always stuck up for timid little me. She's hilarious, fashionable, smart, and loves candy. I like that.

Here are 5 questions for Sarah:

1) What, in your opinion, are the best 3 movies ever made and WHY?

2) What is your VERY FIRST memory?

3) Can you name all the states you've ever been in? (layovers don't count...)

4) I liked this one, so I'll use it again-- Where is the most interesting place you've been naked?

5)Have you ever felt attracted to a teacher? (Do tell!)


I actually had another really good question for you that I am dying to know the answer to, but I was worried it might be too personal... and I'm not sure if any of the people involved are checking up on your blog; so it will have to wait for another day!

Friday, March 11, 2005

Okay, all is well with my computer. I got a little worked up, I know... The problem was Spyware. But it should be fixed now. Damn those spyware creators! There is a special place in the lowest pit of Hell for them.

The Boy is napping; and I should be too, since I got very little sleep last night thanks to our biggest, fattest, stinkiest, dumbest, rudest cat. (she also happens to be the cuddliest one--which is THE ONLY reason she is still around. Oh, that and that she is the only one of the cats that is not afraid of the Boy. Here they are together:)


Sabrina (AKA "Beaner") & The Boy at 2 mos.

I am hoping to take Aiden to the park after he wakes up. The weather has been so nice this week, and I have had cabin fever for the last 2 months. And The Boy has had his first real tastes of "Outside" the last few weeks, and it's all he wants to do. If he would allow me 30 minutes to get dressed and put on some makeup, we could go out more. But NO!

But anyways. I took him to a park a few days ago, and we had a grand ol' time. He loved the swing, and he laughed and laughed when I took him down the slide. (Can you picture me, fairly huge at 5 months pregnant, climbing the stairs and going down the slide with The Boy in my arms? It was not a pretty sight. I was sore for a few days...) He didn't want to STOP going down the slide, in fact. But we had to. I let a group of kids go down in front of me at one point, and the smallest little girl at the end of the line made it her own personal water slide. She left a long, wet trail all the way down. I wasn't about to use my jeans as a sponge for her pee; so the time on the slide came to an end. Had to try going back DOWN the stairs with an unhappy boy in tow. In fact, the whole trip to the park came to an end because I started thinking about how that little Pee-girl was going to sit on all the swings and all the bouncy animals and... well, NO THANK YOU. In fact, I am squeamish about going back to that park at all-- I KNOW the county doesn't provide janitors to sanitize the playground equipment every night. Man, those places must be germ-pits, now that I think about it. I'm sure that little girl wasn't the first to wet her pants whilst at the park. Ew.

So now I am looking for a good park to go to. Wonder if it's too late to go to the zoo instead?

If I ever get my hands on you...

Okay, so last night the hubby was trying to download a no-cd crack for a game we wanted to play LAN together. Somehow we accidentally downloaded something called Search Bar, which put a happy little toolbar on my Internet Explorer, with happy little automatic links to wholesome activities such as Online Gambling and Adult Entertainment. AND NOW WE CAN'T GET RID OF IT AND IT HAS TOTALLY F%^@ED UP MY COMPUTER!!!!

This #&*$(@-#%!^@&* parasite of a program also is allowing a @#^&-load of pop-ups, and every few minutes opens a frame in the page you are looking at of "Related Searches", giving links to things it thinks you want to search for (but are really things it WANTS YOU to search for-- more on-line gambling, more penis enlargement products, free stock advice, dog racing-- none of which I am remotely interested in. Surprising, I know.)

And now this morning I have discovered that it has somehow CHANGED the homepage I have set in Explorer. I used to be able to log in and it would immediately take me to my office e-mail so I could see if I have any projects coming in, any phone calls I need to make, any inquiries about the program I run. BUT I CAN'T @&%#(*^ GET TO MY *#$ %!(& E-MAIL!!!!! I TRIED to go into the properties of Explorer and change the homepage BACK to my e-mail, but it apparently didn't work. It STARTS to take me there. My poor computer TRIES to get me there. But halfway through the pageload, it suddenly switches directions and takes me to some lame-ass search page (More gambling and porn!), and even if I try to physically type in the address to get to my work e-mail, it STILL changes mid-way and takes me to this search page! I am so mad I could karate-kick the monitor off the desk and through the wall behind it!!!

If I ever get my hands on the $^& @&!* Son of a $&#^@^ #*!^)@& #*^@% that created such a program, I swear I will tear his intestines out with my bare hands and feed them back to him. I didn't sleep all $@#^&*! night-- I don't have the patience to deal with this #@*&$^*%@*#@)$((%^*&^$@*&#^%()%&)@%(^@#&%$&&@!(!)!@$&*$%!*@%&#!!!!!!!!!

Thursday, March 10, 2005

You know I'm bad, I'm bad, you know it... WHOOO!

I am sickly interested in the Michael Jackson case. This is very odd for me. I didn't give a cat's pajamas about any of the big trials of My Day-- O.J., Scott Peterson, etc. I'm not usually one who is up on current events, and even though I like to watch the local news, it is more for the weather and the human interest stories. But I've found myself reading the AOL updates on the Jackson trial every day, and thinking about it more than once as I go about my business. Wierd.

I'd like to give poor Mikey the benefit of the doubt, but he's just so.... CREEPY, that I can't help but feel he is guilty. No one loves children THAT much without some ulterior motive. I think people who REALLY love children with pure intent don't usually show it in grandiose ways. They just quietly do things to help kids; whether it be babysitting for the tired neighbor, taking in foster kids, or giving quiet donations to charitable organizations. Michael Jackson just makes too much of a show about how much he loves kids, know what I mean? It strikes a foul chord within me. That said, here is a poll:








What is up with Mike?
What will be the outcome of the Michael Jackson trial?
He is guilty, and he\\\'s going to the Bighouse
He is guilty, but he will walk free.
He is not guilty, but he will serve time anyways.
He is not guilty, and the truth will be told.
Other...
View Result
Free Web Polls


Speaking of Michael, his music isn't bad. At least, not his 80's stuff. Thriller, Billy Jean, the like. Does that make me a heretic? I don't own any albums or anything, but I find myself rockin' out ("rockin' out"...do people even DO that anymore? Am I a hopeless loser?) whenever I come across one of his songs on the radio. I really dig 80's music. Mostly alternative 80's music, but I like Cyndi Lauper, Billy Ocean, Mike, etc. I feel like I missed out on a big chunk of pop culture because my parents wouldn't let us watch MTV when we were young. The only music I was exposed to as a kid was Oldies and Country. Sad to say, but as a result, I listened to country until well into 10th grade. Then my boyfriend (now husband) introduced me to something called "U2", and I was completely converted. Can't stand that country hud anymore. We're hoping to score some U2 tickets for the concert here in Utah in December. Last time they came, they played Bad--my all-time favorite-- and I literally wept because it was so amazing to hear it in person.

Tuesday, March 08, 2005

Ick!

Um, yeah. About these gummies.

I obviously didn't take a good look at the bag as I bought these. I saw "Sour Gummies" and I was sold. I did notice that they were bug-shaped, which normally would have turned me off (I have an insanely deep-rooted fear of any and all bugs, which can be an entire blog entry for another day), but I was jonesin' for some gummies so bad I didn't think it would matter.

I did NOT, however, notice that they had "Fun, Juicy Centers!". Which means, I take a bite of a cherry flavored roach, and find that it squishes and opaque white liquid comes out. A little TOO real for this Entomophobe. Not to mention this pregnant, easily nauseated entomophobe.

First person to send me their mailing address gets the rest of the bag. (Only one eaten!)

Have I gone too far?

It's my day in the office today. I made myself a PB&J sandwich this morning, thinking I would be thrifty and bring my lunch from home, but I stupidly left it on the kitchen counter. I am worried that I might have left my yogurt there, too.

So, I TOTALLY just went to the supermarket down the street from my office for lunch. Did I stop at the deli? Did I run for the salad bar? Oh no. Not me. I brought back a banana, some milk, and a box of cereal. Could I have a problem with addiction?

Oh, and I got some gummy candy, too. Mmmmmm, beautiful gummies....

Monday, March 07, 2005

Questions for Scott

Scott has volunteered to be interviewed! Hooray! Scott is a funny, funny man. If I weren't a woman, I would use his blog entry about man bags as an audition monologue.
Alright, Scott. Time to be completely honest:

1) Where is the most interesting place that you've been naked?
2) Do you believe in God?
3) What, if any, are the genetic conditions you might inherit that may lead to your eventual death? (for example, my husband has prostate cancer coming from both sides. Yup, it'll do him in one day.)
4) What is the most embarrassing moment you've ever witnessed someone else having?
5) Do you have any fun zoo stories? Please share! (Like the time the orangutan smeared poo all over the window right in front of my brother and I.... that was awesome.)

Post a comment to let us know when you've answered your questions and posted them on your own blog. Don't forget to include the instructions for the next hapless soul:

Here's how it works:
1. Leave me a comment saying "interview me"
2. I'll respond by asking you five questions here on my site (you'll each get your own questions)
3. You will update your blog/site with the answers to the questions
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you'll ask them five questions.

Sunday, March 06, 2005

The Highlight of my Weekend

So, at the store on Saturday I saw that they had Chocolate Lucky Charms. WTF? As if they haven't messed with Lucky Charms enough!

I still couldn't resist trying it.

Despite walking away with diabetes after one bowl, I don't think it's chocolatey enough.

Saturday, March 05, 2005

Q & A for the masses

The Urban Princess left these questions on her blog for me to answer on my own blog, thus continuing a chain of interviews.

Here is what Sarah had to say about me:
"Becky and I were best friends through jr high and high school - that is until she went to the Dark Side with the Drama Freaks. She's the cheeriest person I've ever known and I'm so glad that she tracked me down after all these years."

Beck's Q's:

1) Are you glad you waited as long as you did to have children, or do you wish you'd started sooner, and why?

I am SO glad I waited as long as I did. When I got married, I had only turned 20 three days before. Looking back now, that was very young, and there are alot of things I missed out on by marrying that young. To think of all the things I would have missed out on had I a child in tow then! Don't get me wrong; I don't regret getting married then. I was completely ready. But I never liked kids. Hated babysitting. Being the youngest, I never had the experience of younger siblings. I didn't want to have a baby until I felt strongly that it was time and that I actually, truly wanted to care for and raise another person; and not just have one because my family thought it was time that we did, or because all my friends were doing it. I love my Boy; I glad I have him. But not once do I regret waiting. I am a better mother for having the opportunity to grow into my marriage before having a child thrust in there.

2) What is the proudest moment of your career?

When I realized that I am actually something of an expert in what I do. When it occurred to me that people I thought knew more than me were asking ME for advice. That was awesome, and empowering.

3) What magazine(s) do you subscribe to?

Reader's Digest & Ancestry Magazine. I used to subscribe to National Geographic Traveler, but I let that expire and never renewed it. I also wouldn't mind a People subscription, or some other kind of entertainment mag.

4) Name five things in your fridge.

1-Lots and lots and lots of eggs that WIC gives us, but that we can't eat. What kind of family of 3 eats 4 dozen eggs a month?? 2-Lettuce that is going squishy. 3-Half a carton of whole milk for The Boy and half a carton of 2% milk for me. 4-Leftover spaghetti sauce from Thursday night. 5-Some antibiotics for one of our cats that has been in there probably a year now. Eeep!

5) Was slapping Ryan across the face when we went to see Glory as fun and as satisfying as it looked?

This threw me off, because I actually thought Sarah was the one who did the slapping! I will have to ask her to refresh my memory of the whole event. I have The Worst memory in the world. Junior High is a blur. Don't remember a THING about 10th grade. Hell, I can barely remember any of the classes I took as a senior. I guess it HAS been 10 years, but still.

Okay, so I can say I answered that one, despite my confusion, Every time I have ever slapped a boy, there has been a darn good reason-- and every time it has been completely satisfying. Ryan was known for being an ass quite often, so I imagine he'd had it coming for a long time. I'd do it again now just for kicks!



Now it's your turn, dear public, to join the chain. I'll interview the first few people who volunteer. Here's how it works:
1. Leave me a comment saying "interview me"
2. I'll respond by asking you five questions here on my site (you'll each get your own questions)
3. You will update your blog/site with the answers to the questions
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you'll ask them five questions

Have fun!

Thursday, March 03, 2005

At some point the government SHOULD step in...


Bad-Ass Aiden

Here's my kid looking all tough with his hair spiked up and his tow truck shirt on. He looks so "rad". All he needs is a mullet and he would be the ultimate bad-ass. I freakin' LOVE this picture! (Thanks for snapping it, mom.)

Aren't little kids with mullets sad? They don't know how uncool they look. Their parents are just screwing them up for life by having their hair that way. Because lets face it, a mullet says a thousand things about a person. I see a little kid with a mullet, and I automatically think, "I bet that kid would kick me in the shin and tell me to *#&^ off if he had a chance."

We had a discussion with some friends, and decided that there needed to be some sort of White Trash Intervention Program. The program would take kids with mullets, give them a decent haircut, teach them proper grammar and good taste in music, and basically set them straight in life. In extreme cases, we might have to castrate them so there would not be a chance of passing on the white-trashedness.

I'm a-scared of my kid ever wanting a mullet when he gets older. He can pierce whatever he wants, but if he grows a mullet he is on his own.

Random things I won't eat

Before I start, here's a shout-out to Scott who says I'm a hottie now. I'm telling my husband that if he doesn't start introducing me as "My hottie wife, Beck", I'm leaving him for Scott who at least seems to appreciate me. (Sorry, Scott's wife.)

My kid used to eat anything you'd put next to his mouth. It was kind of funny, really, trying to see what kinds of things we could get him to taste. Maybe we F'ed him up doing that, because now he won't eat anything. I'm not sure why he's still growing. Maybe he's part plant, and is using photosynthesis? He sure fertilizes himself enough! The one thing he WILL eat is cereal. Cheerios, Life, Cookie Crisp, you name it. He even eats the nasty King Vitaman that WIC gives us for free (no wonder! It tastes like cat barf smells.) I can't think of WHERE he'd get the idea that you can live off of cereal alone. (He didn't SEEM to be watching when I ate 3 bowls of Cheerios this morning....)

It is only karmic justice that I, a picky eater, would be blessed with a kid who's the same. It got me thinking about all the things I won't eat. The list is big. Here's a portion:

1) Banana Anuses. You know, the very last bite of the banana that has the hole from where it attached to the peel? That seriously creeps me out. Won't eat it.
2) Hamburgers. ANY hamburgers. Ground meat in general is icky--you can't KNOW what's in there-- but hamburgers especially. Any time I try to eat one, I get a monster piece of gristle with like 3 veins sticking out of it. *GAG*! I used to eat JUST Fuddruckers hamburgers (God bless their fries!!!), but once I got one with a piece of bone in it the size of a molar, and that was the end. I don't even give hamburgers a chance anymore.
3) Along the meat lines--bacon that ISN'T burnt. If the fat is chewy, you might as well spit on it and then offer me some. It would be about as appetizing to me.
4) Shellfish. I ain't eatin' nothing that low on the food chain. They eat poo for hell's sake!!
5) Any other fish. Why would you want to eat something that smells like that?
6) Little Caesar's pizza. That's nasty, nasty stuff. I don't eat most other pizza, either (hate the tomato sauce), but I WON'T eat Little Caesar's.
7) Dark meat from a chicken or turkey. It's slimy! Don't let it touch me!
8) Most casseroles. Casseroles are the food of the devil. Most of them are made with Cream of Mushroom soup (Who invented that? Does ANYONE eat that as just soup? I think someone came up with the casserole solely to use up all the Cream of Mushroom soup that was stockpiling in the Campbell's warehouse.) Casseroles always look like they have chopped up leeches in them because of the little bits of mushroom from the soup. Remember Tater Tot casserole? The classic example of Casserole Evilness.
9) Nuts. Nevermind that I'm allergic to most of them. Too many good people have been taken down a notch in my Who's Who of Awesomeness Book by ruining perfectly heavenly brownies with nuts. Keep your nuts in their bag, people!
10) Artichokes. It's not that I don't like them, though they do taste weird. It's that they are too much work for the amount of food payoff. (Pomegranates are the same way). You sit around for 2 hours scraping artichoke-hud off the leaves with your teeth, and you walk away ready to shoot your own dinner out of hunger. Nah, give me a quick bowl of cereal anyday. Convenient and satisfying.

Wednesday, March 02, 2005

Bits of Today

It's my day in the office today. I am really glad, because I needed a break from The Boy. That sounds terrible, doesn't it? But caring for a toddler 24/7 is a tougher job than I ever thought possible. Not only am I exhausted in the evenings, but I am emotionally drained, too. The small moments that make it worthwhile-- the little, spontaneous hugs he gives me; the coy smiles to get my attention; the intelligent-sounding jabbering-- these moments are few, lately. I am glad to be in the office interacting with adults. But what I wouldn't GIVE for one day of freedom! A day for me to do whatever I wanted, with no Boy, no work, no church work to worry about. Most people would take such a day and go to the mountains or go shopping or something. What would I do with a day off? Spend it at the Family History Library, spinning through microfilms till I am carsick, pouring through old books, pounding away through on-line databases, all in search of my elusive great-great-great grandfather, Charles. Why am I so driven to find him?

In other news, I have a long-lost uncle. He's not really MY uncle; only by marriage. My step-grandmother placed him for adoption when he was born back in the 50's. When I found out, I talked to her about it, then recruited a searcher friend of mine to help find him. It took five years, but I met him today. He called and said he was going to be downtown, and could he stop by my office and meet me? I was nervous. I'm not super-great at small talk; so I was worried about what I would say to him; and what if there was a lull in the conversation, etc. It was fine, though! He is really a nice man, and I am happy that he will be meeting grandma and making her so happy. I'm glad I could play a role in their reunion. She has had a hole in her heart for so long, and has always wondered if he was safe and happy. Now she knows that he has been! I was planning on setting up a meeting for them at my house (so they'd both be in a neutral territory for their first meeting), but come to find out, Gerry is SUPER allergic to cats! So now I have to see if one of my brothers will play host.

I'm in such a need of a sugary snack that I just polished off a whole roll of breath mints because I have nothing else! How pathetic. Beats the Peanut M&M's that my coworker has on her desk. I HATE Peanut M&M's! Why were they invented? They are vile! Now, the Peanut BUTTER M&M's--that's a different story. But hey, I have Baskin Robbins to look forward to. For Yahoo's 10th anniversary, they are giving away free ice cream cones! Mmmmmmm.... ice cream....